So, the last time I wrote was Monday, and for some reason, this week, I’m feeling particularly stressed out about life in general. Since Monday, I have done really well with going to bed at 9pm, getting up at 5am and getting a meditation in before I start getting myself and Landon ready for the day. This is definitely helpful, especially in just getting me prepared for next week when I will have to start getting up to run early in the morning. I’ve also been totally on track with the nutrition plan, and I’m now down 5 pounds since Sunday (which is AMAZING since its now only Wednesday!) So, that’s all great. But, this week so far has just been pretty challenging, and I’ve been honestly struggling a bit to keep a positive attitude in the face of it all.
So, on Monday, I had an assignment due for school, and Landon was home with me all day. Justin ended up being gone pretty much the whole day because he had to go to work early in the morning, didn’t come home until after lunch and then had to fly to Arizona for work on Monday afternoon. He was gone for two nights and just came home today (thank goodness!!). I work a 12-hour shift every Tuesday from 8am-8pm, so Tuesday morning I got up at 5, had a cup of coffee, did a meditation, showered, dressed, woke Landon up, gave him breakfast, got him dressed, dropped him off at daycare (he cries like his heart is forever broken EVERY TIME we take him to daycare, which breaks my heart), and then headed to the urgent care where I work. And THEN, because the daycare closes at 6pm, I had to get my adult son (age 20) to watch Landon in the evening, since Justin wasn’t home. My son doesn’t have a car, so I had to get permission from my boss to leave work to rush to the daycare, pick up Landon and drop him off at home and then rush back to work. Of course, the second I walked back into work, there were multiple patients waiting for things that only an RN can do, and I was the only RN on duty, so I had to spring into action immediately. I HATE keeping people waiting – I guess because I hate to be kept waiting. But anyway, it all worked out fine, but WHEW! Single moms and dads, I seriously salute you for dealing with this kind of crap every single freaking day, because everything is 100 times more difficult and complicated when you don’t have a partner to help you out! Love and hugs to you all! So anyway, my shift ended at 8pm. I came home to Landon still up at around 8:30 so he was pretty punchy and acting all crazy. I gave him a snack, got him into his PJ’s, read him some stories, sang him a lullaby and tucked him into bed, and then went straight to bed myself.
In what seemed like 5 minutes later (even though it was actually 8 hours) – I woke up at 5 am, and did it all over again – coffee, meditation, get myself ready, wake up Landon, feed him and get him ready, take him to daycare (deal with him crying like someone died as I’m leaving), and then I had to head off to my first clinical rotation of the week. Incidentally, throughout this whole time, I just gotta say, I’m also missing my husband like crazy. I am so grateful to be able to say that he is hands down, my best friend, and everything is just better when he’s around. Which is GREAT, but it also makes flying solo just super-sucky by comparison. So, anyway, I finished my clinical day at around 4 and by the time I got home, Justin was home and all was right in my world again. BUT – I have clinical all day tomorrow, plus I have to teach a diabetes prevention class in the evening, and then I have clinical all day Friday. I have a major assignment for my capstone project due on Monday, which I haven’t started working on yet, so that is going to take up a lot of my time on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I also have to be continually studying for all of my classes to stay on top of the content, PLUS, I’m supposed to be preparing now, for my nurse practitioner board exams that I will have to write after I graduate before I can actually be licensed as a nurse practitioner (this is barely happening, at this point).
AND, I’ll just admit this too while I’m at it – my house is a mess, there are about 8 loads of laundry that need to be done, our suitcase from our trip to San Diego is still not unpacked, and, after I pay all our bills this week I might have $5 left to my name. UUGGGHHHH!!! BUT – one thing that I know for sure is that in times like these, when I’m feeling like this, the best thing that I can do is to turn to gratitude. Its kind of nice to have this outlet to just let it all out and vent about everything, but at the end of the day, what really gets me through it all is really and truly counting my blessings and just reminding myself of all of the things that I’m grateful for. I know that might sound simplistic and Mary Poppins-ish, but it works for me, ok? It’s been hard – especially this semester – because I feel more disconnected than I think I ever have from friends and family, just because I simply don’t have time to be there for them the way I wish I could be, between all of the other things I’m juggling. It’s a necessity to prioritize right now, unfortunately. But I just have to keep my eyes on the prize. Come December 15th, I will be done with school and embarking on a brand new career that will fulfill me and support my family in achieving all of our future dreams. So, its all worth it, but for right now, I just hope everyone understands.
As crazy as this may sound, I’m actually looking forward to getting back to running next week, because I really feel like that helps to keep me balanced. It’s an outlet and an opportunity to clear my mind. It’s also time that is just for me, guilt-free, because its still working towards something productive. So, sorry for the venting, but this is what’s real for me right now. Oh, and I had said before that I would share a link for the meditation series’ that I like the best so here it is:
They have lots of free content, but also packages that you can purchase, and periodically, they offer their packages for free for a 21-day period, so if you register, you will get emails letting you know when that is happening.
So, its 9:09 now and past my bedtime! Gotta get up early and get back at it tomorrow! Thanks for letting me unload. 🙂