Although I really can’t say that I’ve ever LOVED my body (I mean really, what woman can say that?) – I’ve always thought it was pretty good. I have always felt reasonably fit and strong, and wasn’t ashamed to be seen in a bikini. Until now. For the first time, ever in my life, I feel like I am overweight – because, well, I am. As hard as it is to actually admit that, its the truth. Me – the eternally size 8, marathon runner, former triathlete, mother of 4 without a single stretch mark – yes, me – I’m now overweight, out of shape and unhealthy. I would struggle at this point to run 2 miles. My muscle is all gone. My blood pressure without medication is 140-150/90-100. My feet get puffy at the end of the day. My clothes are too tight, I feel terrible in anything that doesn’t have an elastic waist and I wouldn’t be caught dead in a bikini in my own bedroom, let alone in public. I still wear maternity tops even though my baby is 14 months old because they do the best job of hiding all my extra belly-pudge. So, that’s where I am at this moment.
Sure, I have my story of how I got here – so in a nutshell – almost exactly two years ago, we decided to try to have a baby. That required that we go through IVF. So, at age 43, we started that whole roller-coaster of hormone injections, pills, patches and treatments. Over the course of that process, I gained 10-15 pounds. But I wasn’t worried about that at the time, all that mattered was that it was, amazingly, a SUCCESS!! By December of 2015 I was pregnant with our son, Landon. He was due Sept. 2, 2016. In July of 2016, I started to get really swollen. Here’s a photo of me on July 19, 2016 – 5 days before Landon was born:On July 21, 2016 I was told by my doctor that I had severe pre-eclampsia and needed to go straight to the hospital to be induced. I gained about 30 pounds of fluid in less than a week. He ended up being born, 6 weeks early, via C-section on July 24. I stayed swollen, with high blood pressure, and feeling generally unwell for quite awhile after. Right after Landon was born, with all the extra fluid, my weight got up to almost 200 pounds. Once the swelling went down, I went down to about 170. So that was just over a year ago, and although I have tried all of the things that have worked for me in the past, my weight at this moment is 168 lbs. Physically, I have never felt so crappy. I feel tired all the time, I get all kinds of weird aches and pains, I don’t sleep well, and as I get older – especially now that we have a new little one in our lives, I am more concerned than ever about my potentially declining health. Not only that, I have always been inspired by those 70 and 80 year old ladies that I see still running races and kicking butt. I want to BE one of those ladies someday!! And the way things are right now? Not a chance. Something has to change. Right now.
Today, I went through the rather humiliating process of having my husband take some really honest photos of me, take my measurements and use that lovely fat pincher thing to measure my body fat. Here’s the bad news in black and white: at 167.8 pounds and 5’7″ tall, my BMI currently is 26.3 – well into the “overweight” category. My total body fat is at 31.5%. My bust is 39″, my waist is 36.25″ and my hips are 42.5″. Here are the absolutely cringe-worthy photos:
So, obviously, I want to look better. This, is not, in any way, how I want to look. But more importantly, I want to feel better. I want my old energy back, I want my blood pressure to be normal without medication. I want to be able to run a marathon again. I want to feel confident that I will never be limited by my state of health and fitness, or unable to do anything that I want to do. Ever. Now and in the future. I owe it to myself, and I owe it to my kids – especially Landon, who will be needing a healthy, energetic mom in his life for a good long while.
I’m starting this blog and sharing all of this because I want to be accountable in the changes I’m about to make. I’m going to try something that I’ve never done before. Tomorrow, I’m starting a nutrition program that has resulted in huge success for a lot of people, including a close friend. Will it work for me? It damned well better, but as I go through this journey, I’m going to write about the whole experience and share it for the world to see. For some reason, doing that motivates me. I know that a lot of people reading this will say “wow, good for her – I hope she gets where she wants to be”. Others will say “this will never work – these things never do – just watch, it will totally fail”. And you know, both of those points of view motivate me. So, let’s go, and we’ll see – I will blog daily for at least the next 30 days while I do this thing, which consists of following a specific nutrition plan (with the help of a coach – who also happens to be my husband), drinking lots of water, zero alcohol and mild exercise. My goal is to get my weight down to 145 pounds. Let the journey begin!